White Wolf in the Harvest Moon

by Karishaman

The magical Harvest Moon waxed above me in the soothing coolness of the early autumn air as I beseeched all the energies of the universe for their help and guidance. My mind was at a loss. My heart; splintered into a million pieces. My soul, alone, all by itself in the universe. Again. I had seen in my mind's eye, a beautiful, large white wolf sitting on a knoll in a distant field for months. I sometimes get these images, unbidden, and I have no idea why they come. The wolf always faced away from the house, watching outward to the world. I first thought it was the Alpha male, guarding the pack's den from any unwelcome visitors. I was recently 'corrected'.

One night, the wolf turned its head and looked at me. One look in her beautiful, golden amber eyes and I realized who/what she was; the Alpha female. She was protecting the house and land, but the entire scope of her identity went further than her protective duties on the acreage. After months of non-acknowledgement, she finally turned her head my way, allowing me to know her. That amazing creature was on guard, but I mistook her purpose. She was guarding and protecting- ME. Protecting the land was an incidental bonus.

Months ago, I asked for the house and land to be veiled and protected from any negative energies, and that is when the wolves showed up. A pack, literally The Minions, as I called them- everybody but the Alpha Queen, were shades of black. They loved us, the humans living here, and were happy and diligent in their comfort and protection. Sensitive and loyal to us and our emotions, they rallied 'round whenever we struggled on our life path. These loving protectors were easy to know- no hidden agendas, just helpin' out some friends. As the evening chill encouraged me to leave my tearful petition to the moon and I headed back inside, the Minions snuffled my hands, worried about me and my emotional carnage. After reassuring them, I thanked everything working to support me and went to heal as best I could, hoping sleep and unconsciousness would prepare me for the coming day. I asked the Minions to show everybody in the house the same love and support they had shared with me and went to bed. The next day arrived. More emotional pain ensued. This was a soul-level conflict. Resolution was not rapidly forthcoming, and I was emotionally shredded by the loss of a beautiful soul connection due to free-will choices on our life path. Because I MUST honor and respect the choice of the individuals in my life while continuing to love them through their life decisions, there is no blame, no finger-pointing, no one to beat up, but myself. And I'm pretty good at it.

So that night, I again found myself in the moonlight, tearfully petitioning the universe to help me understand the wisdom in this brutal life lesson, totally at a loss as to how to move forward in a cold, changed world without the joyful experience of two souls blending, creating a magnificent and powerful energy together. I again loved up the Minions and went inside to hopefully find peace through blessed unconsciousness.

I don't know if it was the Moon or other energies in play that night, but I could not sleep. The events of the past week tumbled around my head like a pre-school gymnastics squad. Was I out of my mind? Was I being over-emotional? Was I overreacting? Was I trying to manipulate and/or control the other soul involved? Were my feelings valid? All the options overthinking can throw out there... As I sat in the dark, staring through the window into the moonlight, I admitted my complete lack of understanding of where to go with this. It is a completely new life experience for me. I am a typical Libra, enjoying balanced, long term relationships with friends based on love, trust, and honest enjoyment of the energy blend created through our relationship as we find our place in the world. To come up against an issue with another that cannot be discussed, worked through, understood and brought to common ground is a rare experience for me. Despite my most determined effort to bring resolution and peace to the situation on my own, I could not achieve my goal. Once again, bereft of a solution to the problem, I closed my eyes and prayed for help. And there she was. The Alpha Queen. She was standing off a bit, gazing at me with those incredible eyes, her soft white coat gleaming in the moonlight. There was no feeling of anger or threat from her. I felt comfort, familiarity. I called to her, and she wagged her tail gently and walked toward me. I held my hand out and she licked it, like a devoted pet would. Looking into her eyes, I thanked her for finally coming to meet me and froze when I recognized the soul looking back at me through those shining eyes. This amazing creature, this glowing, powerful, Alpha Warrior Queen? She is me.

She is the warrior that protects the most sensitive parts of my nature as a human. For months, she kept the world at bay as I healed from past wounds and released old energies no longer serving my highest purpose. She let me play on the land without fear. She let me find my joy again. And now, she is at my side, ready to protect me yet again. This time however, I need her close, like my own personal bodyguard. The war is inside me, and I must be prepared because my 'soul battle' is forcing me to choose the truth in my heart and knowledge gained through time on this earth over what the world has put forth as it's 'reality'. It is not within my ability to accept less than what I have already lived in this life. I must follow my own truth. I told my White Wolf she was 'a good girl' and gave her a good ear-scratch to prove it, then called her Home, back to my soul.